When I was in grade school, being addressed by my last name meant serious business—usually that a teacher was calling me out for some misdeed. Use of my first name was a sign of personal recognition and sometimes even affection. During the Gulf War, why was Saddam Hussein referred to in the media as "Saddam," as if he were the kid next door? We didn't call past monsters in history "Adolf" (Hitler), as in "Adolf sent more troops into Normandy to repulse the invasion." Or Joseph (Stalin) as in "Joey felt threatened by and assassinated the general officers in the Soviet military hierarchy." There are many other things I don't understand . . .


Greetings from My Mountain Cabin,

You would think, given the time I have spent on this planet, I would have more answers than I do. I think I am just beginning to understand some of the questions. Apparently a broad base of knowledge continues to allude me.

Here are a few examples:
✶ Why do political candidates feel obliged to answer reporters' questions about their religious beliefs? "Mr. (Mitt) Romney, is it true that you wear sacred undergarments because of your (Mormon) religious beliefs?" I would love to see Mr. Romney offer a retort something along the lines of, "Quite frankly, Mr. Reporter, the topic of my relationship to God is none of your business. Next question."

✶ The same goes for questions about candidates' sexual intimacies? "Mr. (Gary) Hart, have you ever cheated on your wife?" How about a reply of, "Ms. Reporter, what I do with my genitals is personal and not for public judgment. And why do you feel the need to show so much cleavage?"

✶ In action movies, the first person on the scene of an accident ALWAYS asks the victim, "Are you alright?" despite seeing exactly what occurred. Wouldn't it be more appropriate if the person being questioned said, "No, you dumb ass. I am NOT alright! Can't you see I just fell off a ladder and landed on my noggin?" or "Of course not, you ninny! The bone sticking out of my arm is not a tattoo!" Sheesh!

✶ Why do people toss in the phrase "if you will" at the end pf a sentence, when it means absolutely nothing? Is it just to pardon the use of a cliché? "It was literally raining cats and dogs, if you will." ("OK, I will . . . no wait a moment . . . on second thought, maybe I won't.") And by the way, "literally" means it actually happened (as opposed to "figuratively.") "Literally raining cats and dogs" means there are blood, guts and fur all over the sidewalk.

✶ Why is it "gubernortorial" and not "governortorial"? Was anyone ever elected a "gubernor? Why is Pope Benedict a "pontiff" and not a "popetiff"? Isn't a "vast majority" the same thing as a "majority"? Is there a "minor majority"? Is there such a thing as "part of a sudden" or is it always "all of a sudden"? Why do we "congratulate" graduates when they are not "gratuates"?

✶ Presumed being argumentative. Why is the word "arguably" used so frequently? If you were to say, "Bill Russell was arguably the best center ever to play in the NBA," I would disagree with you, but that does not mean I would necessarily want to argue. I don't like arguing. Why not simply agree to disagree? (By the way, Wilt Chamberlain was the best center in the history of the NBA.)

✶ Presumed negativity. "Let's see if we can't rent a beach house for August." Why not, "Let's see if we CAN rent a beach house for August!?"

✶ Ever notice the tendency of people posing in group photos to stand with their hands overlapping in front of their genital area? Looks so silly. What are they hiding? Is this the curse of Adam and Eve?

✶ Why do sports and political beat reporters regularly use the word "lanky" in referring to a person's physical frame? Look it up, lanky means "gangly" and "ungraceful." Whereas, they would never toss in an adjective such as "fat"? Apparently it is OK to say "The lanky senator from New Jersey is a former basketball star." but not "The fat congressman from California has introduced a legislative bill." Why mention body type at all, if you will.

. . . and revisiting my ranting at the top of the page . . . Did you know the New York Times is the only major news medium that regularly attaches "Mr." or Ms." when referring to someone they quote? "Richard Petty was just inducted into the NASCAR Hall of Fame. Mr. Petty said he was delighted with the honor." How appropriate in a day and time when we could use more politeness.

I think referring to a person by her or his last name is simply unmannerly and rude. But then again, what do I know? I also feel wearing a ball cap in a public restaurant, not removing one's hat and standing up when the Flag of the United States passes in review, not opening a door for a woman, and not walking on the curbside in her company are also disrespectful.

I am so old-fashioned that I have been accused of being a dinosaur (Actually I have been accused of worse).

I live in my own little world, and that's OK, because they know me there,
Kesgen (If you will . . . or even if you won't.)

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

EJZuiderdam
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